Happy (belated) Independence Day!

Can you believe we are already halfway through 2019?

This year has been a complete whirlwind. But Independence Day reminds me, like a landmark in a trail, how far we have already come in 2019.

At the beginning of the year, I wrote that my word for 2019 was "steadfast," and I unpacked that meant. I thought now would be a great time to pause and reflect on how that has actually been going so far.

The challenges

I have to say, of all the words I could have picked, there was no more appropriate fit than steadfast.

I don't believe it's a coincidence that God was leading me to pursue deeper steadfastness this year, as I have strongly needed it in each area of my life. From my health, personal goals, relationships and even faith, this year has tested my ability to be steadfast in many ways.

Many times, I have failed to keep commitments, my plans have been interrupted, or I've lost stamina in following through. At times I've unwisely agreed to more than I could handle physically, which increased my stress and intensified my Lyme symptoms significantly.

This lead to difficult bouts of negativity, self-doubt and fear for my future.

Of course these negative emotions can pour into other areas of life. When struggling to be steadfast individually, for whatever reasons, it is doubly difficult to be steadfast with others. More than once I've chosen the easy path of impatience, ungratefulness and short-tempered frustration with those in my life over steadfast love and patience.

While summer has brought some relief and hope, it's discouraging to see how, despite my best efforts, steadfastness can feel like a losing battle.

The rewards

Yes, steadfastness is immensely difficult to apply. But all challenges acknowledged, I do not regret this goal one single bit.

To be honest, if I was seeking to be steadfast for the sake of feeling better about myself or for a personal accomplishment, I would probably give up at this point. With a year like this, where life feels like a boxing match at times, why keep trying so hard only to then feel even worse when I fail or obstacles gets in the way?

But I learned an important lesson. On some days where I have failed miserably at being steadfast with others, they have remained steadfast in their patience and faith with me. And most importantly, on days where I have doubted God and stubbornly and rejected his will for me, God has remained steadfast with me. He has provided exactly what I've needed, when I've needed it. Most of all He has touched my heart with the true meaning and beauty of steadfastness--stemming from a commitment to never give up on someone.

When I am able treasure the reality of God's steadfastness, it's easier to hang in there on difficult days where I feel hopeless, sick or frustrated with circumstances. When I remember Christ's steadfast commitment to me, bought at the price of his life, I can truly grow (slowly) in displaying that same steadfast commitment to others. And by God's grace alone, there are tangible areas where I've been able to push through difficulties to remain steadfast.

Ultimately I recognize that the best way to grow in personal steadfastness is to first grow in trusting God's steadfastness. This approach frees me to view the journey as exciting and freeing rather than burdensome. I can't wait to see how the next six months go!